we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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