we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
