i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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