We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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