First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
