So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
