That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
