Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
