There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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