His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
