return my video game
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
