This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
