I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
