My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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