So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
