I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize