a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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