Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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