you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
