But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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