If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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