your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
