"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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