OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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