well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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