Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
