i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
