it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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