Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
