I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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