then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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