haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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