Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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