he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize