I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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