Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
