Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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