we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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