I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
