:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
