Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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