I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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