is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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