Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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