I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Congratulations! We have a period
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