i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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