Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
