Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
