Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The air taste purple.
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