Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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