it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize