and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
