so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
