He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
