i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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