I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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