drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize