just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
