Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
