ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
