i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
