So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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