whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize