and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You made out with two different species that night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
