Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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