When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
