$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
