Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
