did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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