I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
