I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
