you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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