You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
