party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
