I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
